What have I learned about the power of connections?<\/p>\n\n\n
Once upon a time, at a conference<\/a>\n in a galaxy far away, a very new headteacher (like, two weeks in post)\nattended her first association conference. She had seen Heads under whom\n she had served shoot off for such an occasion towards the end of a busy\n year, returning refreshed to the fray, reporting on great speakers,\nnice locations, how lovely to see old friends from their teaching past.\nWhat was not to like?<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n It was slightly tricky to be attending this\nprestigious conference with just two weeks\u2019 experience of headship to\nbring to the party, and to feel just a little like an imposter, the\nplace having been booked originally for her predecessor. But hey,\nthought the new Head, \u201cYou\u2019re a big girl now \u2013 you can hack it!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n It\n was a long way from home and, since she was so new, she expected to\nknow no one who would also be attending. She expected that everyone\nthere would be trailing clouds of glory and experience and revelling in\nthe simple familiarity of this annual occasion.<\/p>\n\n\n \u201cMy second headship \u2013 so good to see old friends again!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n \u201cLovely to see you, I hear things are going well at Bloggs College!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n \u201cAnd\n how are you \u2013 how long is it since we started out as housemasters in\nthat funny little school in the north? You have lost so much weight!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n For\n the new Head, effectively deputising for the original Head who had\nmoved to a school outside this particular association, attending at all\nwas like a first day at a new school arriving in mid-term. How many\nattendees would also be new to Headship, new to the school, new to the\nassociation and in post a mere 10 days, consequences of a booking made\nfor the previous Head and a bizarrely late Easter?<\/p>\n\n\n Answer: none.\nNone except your humble correspondent. And you might reasonably be\nthinking, \u201cNow get over it and get on with it.\u201d So, once upon a time \u2013\nwhat?<\/p>\n\n\n I ask you to imagine dinner on the first night, the first\nmajor hurdle for the newbie, because no one gets chatty during\npresentations or lectures or seminars, so your isolation is invisible\nand unremarkable. Who would know? And there was not, in those days, much\n in the way of group work or requests from the stage for us all to \u201cGet\ninto pairs, and discuss\u2026\u201d So, in the working part of the conference, the\n newbie is safe, one of the crowd, unremarkable.<\/p>\n\n\n \u201cIt\n occurred to me that almost regardless of exam grades and university\napplications, an independent school is often able to offer connections,\navenues, openings, simple introductions to a much wider world beyond the\n classroom.\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n But the first night dinner?\nSorry \u2013 First Night Dinner? Now the truth will out, and \u2018Billy and Betty\n No Mates\u2019 may be completely exposed. Their only defence is a table\nplan. <\/p>\n\n\n God bless table plans, for taking the whole, \u2018Where do I\nsit? Who do I know? How do I do this?\u2019 agony out of your hands. The\ntable plan says, \u201cDo not worry, little newcomer, we have got your back.\nWe will tell them all where to plonk their sorry asses, and you too\nshall be included, as if, in truth, you actually belong in this august\nassembly. There will be no freezing out, deliberate or cordially\nunintentional, of those who are new to our ranks. Trust us, you are one\nof us, you are welcome.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n Or not, as was the case on this occasion.\n The second night of the conference gala dinner was formal, organised\neven unto the seating plan posted in advance. There would come a time\nwhen I had to write these plans. Lordy, were they difficult! Social,\npolitical, time-consuming, \u2018You\u2019re never going to get it right, so sod\nit\u2019 nightmares. But I did not mind, to the point where I would toil with\n the intricate jigsaw until the small hours, and weep when someone\nfailed to turn up and the plan went wrong and there was a gentle chorus\nof, \u201cI don\u2019t know why you bother \u2013 these are grown up people, they can\nfind a chair!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n But once I had suffered from the lazy alternative,\nusually dressed up as, \u201cBut people want to catch up with old friends,\nlet them sit where they like!\u201d I knew that in reality no table plan for\nthe first night was an organiser\u2019s cop out, saving hours in the office\nbut virtually pinning a label on the newcomer\u2019s back \u2013 \u2018Billy\/Betty No\nMates.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n But to return to the plot: on that memorable night, the\nexcitement of a new Headship coupled with the excitement of a lovely\nconference to attend giving me what I thought was a gentle glow, I\nsmiled as I approached a table for 10 with three people already\ngathered. And I asked, \u201cMay I join you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n And they said, \u201cNo\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n After\n that, I barely heard the rest \u2013 \u201cWe\u2019re keeping these places for our\nfriends \u2013 we always meet up at these conferences \u2013 so sorry!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n I\nwanted the ground to swallow me up. Was it my frock? My accent? My\nperfume? None of the above of course \u2013 they\u2019d have been \u2018keeping these\nseats\u2019 even if the Queen had approached. What do I do now? What if it\nhappens again? At every table? Where was the nearest exit from the\ndining room? Should I pretend I was ill? And if I left, did the hotel do\n room service?<\/p>\n\n\n \u201cHow many attendees would also\nbe new to Headship, new to the school, new to the association and in\npost a mere 10 days, consequences of a booking made for the previous\nHead and a bizarrely late Easter?\u201d<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n With a\nbrand-new Headship and at what was then the peak of my career, I was\n11-years-old again, and trying to crash into a new and casually hostile\nworld. Running away to room service was very attractive indeed.<\/p>\n\n\n Somewhere\n deep inside I found the nerve \u2013 today, perhaps, we would call it\nresilience \u2013 to sashay nonchalantly down the long narrow room in pursuit\n of a table far enough away for the gentlemen (hah!) of the first table\nnot to see if I got turned away again.<\/p>\n\n\n And I found a home. The\nHead who beamed, \u201cOf course!\u201d to my hesitant (terrified) request to join\n him at his table had an unusual surname, and I said, \u201cYears ago, I got\nsalary checks signed by a person with that same name!\u201d And he said, \u201cYou\n must have worked for the University of Cardiff \u2013 and that was my dad!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n And\n we were away \u2013 connected. The fact that his school turned out to be 10\nmiles from mine was a bonus, and he became in due course, not just a\ndinner companion, but a mate in the bear-garden which Headship can be.\nAnd that, as they say, is another story.<\/p>\n\n\n So what connection might there be between this particular occasion and the here and now? It came to mind when reading of opportunities which were available to children in independent schools. It occurred to me that almost regardless of exam grades and university applications, an independent school is often able to offer connections, avenues, openings, simple introductions to a much wider world beyond the classroom. There\u2019s more to an education than classrooms and books and numbers and grades. As in a complicated crochet pattern, one connection can lead to another. Having the confidence and the grace to welcome the stranger is part of it; and just as important is the capacity to take the odd knock to your confidence, gather your thoughts, and bounce back.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n This article first appeared in IE-Today on 29 June 2018<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What have I learned about the power of connections? Once upon a time, at a conference in a galaxy far away, a very new headteacher (like, two weeks in post) attended her first association conference. She had seen Heads under whom she had served shoot off for such an occasion towards the end of a\u2026 Read More »<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[65,107,140],"class_list":["post-479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ie-today","tag-conferences","tag-headteachers","tag-networking"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=479"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=479"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=479"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/j-moriarty.co.uk\/hilarymoriarty\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=479"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}